Determination is valiant, struggling isn’t: Why people hate asking for help

Queendom Blog


I don’t know how to change a flat. I also don’t know how to make cheesecake, dye my hair, fill in a cavity or wrap presents that are not perfectly square or rectangular. So when it comes to practical stuff, I am willing to turn to others for help. However, if I’m struggling with an existential issue, heartbreak, or any other emotional upheaval, I close up tight. I refuse to let anyone open my Pandora’s Box of emotions, much to the frustration of my friends and several ex-boyfriends.

“You know, I’m here if you ever need to talk,” my best friend will always tell me.

“You know that’s not going to happen,” I always answer.

“Why do you insist on carrying the burden of the world on your shoulders?” she’ll say, exasperated.

“Because it’s who I am. The Sisyphus of emotional pain, endlessly carrying my burden up the hill…I’m mostly…

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a poem to Dogs: Ode to Dogs

by Michael Meyerhofer

I am tired of hearing about dogs
used as metaphors for the uncivilized.
Imagine a world in which humans

possessed at least twenty times
as many olfactory receptors,
able to distinguish the tang of cancer

rising musk-like from the bedsheets
next to a smoldering ash tray,
able to detect that one drop of blood

in every five quarts of water,
to know what you did last night
no matter how many times

you soap-scrubbed the evidence.
It does not take savagery
but more love than we can muster

to lick the hand you’ve sniffed,
to love despite the perfume of sins
we wear each day like a halo.


Ground Control to Major Tom: Celebs in Space?

Love Phil’s list!

The Phil Factor

Picture courtesy of Edmonton Sun Picture courtesy of Edmonton Sun

Billionaire owner of Virgin Galactic, Richard Branson, has sold tickets, at $200,00 each to several celebrities for a ride into space. $200,00 for a trip into space doesn’t sound bad, until you consider that it’s the cost for only fifteen minutes in space. That’s like paying to go to the movies, which is close to $200,000, and only getting to see the previews! If I’m paying $200,000 to go into space, first you all are going to have to buy a lot more of my books for me to afford that, and secondly I’m going to want more than 15 fecking minutes! For 200 hundred thou I want at least one lap all the way around the globe and a peek at the moon. Some call me the space cowboy….

Sadly the celebrities who have ponied up their cash for a an Uber ride into…

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Under pressure: What makes resilient people so tough?

Queendom Blog

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When I look back on some of the challenges I’ve been through – the health scares, the break-ups, the losses, the toxic relationships – I wonder to myself how I managed to survive and thrive with my sanity (mostly) intact. This isn’t to say that giving up never crossed my mind. When times were tough, I often contemplated one of three possible scenarios: Sell my possessions, join a convent, and take a vow of silence; move to the wilderness and live in a little hut eating berries and searching for Yeti, or voluntarily commit myself to an asylum. Would I consider myself a mentally tough person? Not a chance. But once the shock of a sudden, negative situation wears off, there’s a sense of something akin to acceptance. “This has happened. I have no choice but to deal with it.”

I’ve always pictured resilient people as a) people that I…

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One thought away from depression

Important post.

Queendom Blog

When my great uncle died suddenly (one day he had a headache, the next day he was gone), my aunt struggled to cope. Upon visiting her GP and asking for advice, he immediately wrote her out a prescription for an anti-depressant. No questions asked, no recommendation for therapy. A few months later, her behavior became erratic (a side effect of the medication), compelling my mother to tell her to stop taking it and to start accepting that her husband was gone. My aunt finally allowed herself to grieve, and got her life back on track.

I am not going to get into a heated debate about “Big Pharma” and the pros and cons of drug therapy. Suffice to say, in my opinion, medication can be used in extreme cases (when a person simply cannot function, or is a danger to self and/or others), but in conjunction with other forms of…

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