Status Update: Note: for my blogger friends, I am just going to copy and paste this on Mind Chatterings FB so I won’t have to type it again.
So, I was to have my doctor’s appointment today, with the neurologist, the one doctor who has been helping me with disability and believing me. I had to schedule a stupid disability bus 3 days a head for this appointment, and for a 3:00 p.m. appointment, I had to get the bus at 1:45 and have a pick up at 5:00 p.m. Long day just thinking about it. I didn’t get the reminder call yesterday so I was getting a weird feeling. Called first thing this morning to find my appointment at the doctor’s had been cancelled. WTF? I asked who cancelled it, as only mum and I knew about it. They couldn’t tell me what happened, only that the doctor’s assistant wouldn’t be in the office until tomorrow, and I should call back and talk to her. I was, and still am, quite pissed. Good thing I didn’t take the damn bus all the way down there, as I would have been stuck just waiting outside until 5:00 p.m.
My questions abound now. Why would the doctor’s office just cancel my appointment? It is not like I have a bill there, or am a problem patient. I have to pay friggin’ cash of $200 each time I go, so I don’t even have the opportunity to have a bill there. I also only call for refills, not to talk to the doctor, or get advice over the phone, which I know many people do. I have tempt’d in doctor’s offices before so I have a clue what goes on in them. This doctor is the one treating me for my fibro symptoms, now what? I am almost out of Lyrica, and thought this is okay since I was seeing her today. I also need some other refills I have been waiting for over three months for, as I needed to see her first. So I just go without my meds? I will call her office tomorrow and speak to this damn assistant, but I bet I get the run around like most times when I call her office. I love the doctor (or did) but the office staff is trash. They have fucked up so many times, lost my refill orders, forgotten to call pharmacies, forgotten to call me (which I guess happened again), and had me in tears with their ineptitude. When I actually get to see the doctor she listens to me and really helps me. Even though I have been enduring one of the worst flares I have had since I stopped working, I knew I had to just bite the bullet and make this appointment. I actually wept this morning before taking my shower knowing how much it was going to hurt to go, and how much I was going to feel worse afterwards.
I have been waiting forever to be qualified as disabled just to get some medical insurance. I found out at the beginning of the year I should qualify NOW for Medicaid, which I hadn’t been qualified for before. If I had the verified disability acknowledgment from the Social Security Admin., I would have been able to get Medicare. Since I have no income and no insurance, I should have been eligible for Medicaid a long time ago, in my book. Obamacare sucks though, and I am sure this is no surprise to anyone. Last year when I applied, I was told I qualified for some free insurance BUT NOT Medicaid. I received no more on this qualification. At the beginning of the year, my application was suddenly not complete enough to shop for insurance (but it was somehow complete enough last year). I re-did all which had magically disappeared, and found out I suddenly was qualified for Medicaid, but there was no mention of the other free insurance plans I was offered last year. Ok, so how do I get to a doctor? I attempted to contact the website to ascertain what I was to do next, as I kept getting an error message when I tried to go further. Not a I was done message, but an error message. The website finally told me to call them and not email them. WTF? So, I attempted to call, only to be told it was like a friggin’ 2 hour wait on hold. WTF? My cheap-ass welfare phone doesn’t have battery power for that long. I bombarded the website with emails to their damn help desk, and finally received a letter informing me Medicaid (welfare office) would be contacting me to finish my application. So basically, we are done with you, quit bothering us, and passing me off. I now sit here waiting for Medicaid to contact me. Oh, and don’t get me wrong, I have not sat idly by, waiting for the State. I have attempted to contact them, since I already have a friggin’ welfare case (food stamps), and all I get is a circuit busy, not even a normal busy giving me hope I will eventually get answered.
End of the friggin’ (and ya’ all know I so want to use another word here) long story: I was tossed to the curb by my doctor, who was the only one I could go to and who believed in my symptoms; I have been thrown under the proverbial bus by the Healthcare Admin.; and, I feel like giving up. Yeah, I am strong, enough for the friggin’ apocalypse, and I am not all sad and ‘woe is me’. I have realized this week while lying in pain with my fingertips (which are killing me so bad now), skin which feels as if the top layer has been pulled off (no joke), and joints I didn’t even know I had hurting no matter what position they are in…PEOPLE ARE JUST FRIGGIN’ IDIOTS. They say people don’t believe others because they themselves are not trustworthy, or they think others are lying because they lie themselves. If this is true, which I have seen human nature enough to believe, there must be a ton of people out there faking pain and wanting to just lay around doing nothing. I mean, who they hell would fake all my shit?
I wanted to participate in P.E. when I was in high school; I loved to go to work, even when I was tired; I loved to be active, riding horses, washing my truck, walking my dog; I enjoyed being a paralegal; I didn’t want to be rich, per se, just have my apartment, my truck, and be able to ride a horse (didn’t even have to be my own horse); I didn’t want to have servants, or lay around the house all day, boring; I don’t even tell my mum how I feel now, just stay in my room, so she won’t see my pain. With all of this said, why the hell would anyone think I was faking it? Where the hell would they get the idea from my records, conversations, or reports I wanted to be molly coddled and lay in bed all day?
I am friggin’ poor, on $200 a month food stamps, hurt when I go to the grocery store, have to live in a senior’s apartment with my mum (with whom I don’t even get along with), live off her meager Social Security, have all my wonderful things in storage I haven’t seen in years, have no money ($20 cash for all of last year), have no insurance, can’t do my laundry (mum does this, yes my 72 year old mum does my friggin’ laundry, pathetic?), barely walk my dog to the little lawn in front of the apartment, lost all my friends who live here in ‘Vegas, and lay in a friggin’ dark room and watch free movies. Writing with pen and computer hurts, light bothers, knees hurt, skin hurts to even have a hug, food sucks, awww….shit!
So, I am going to watch some old Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce) and try to sleep (oh yeah, maybe 4 hours total sleep a night, that is seriously interrupted sleep). There it is. Enough said.
Peace & Love