Serious Mind Chatterings…I told you it chattered~

If you have been keeping up with my FB page and all my adventures there this last week, you will get an understanding of where all this anger comes from.  If you don’t read my FB page, no loss, count this as a rant.

Face Book Bus Driver Story for reference

 

I lay awake last night, as usual, wondering how I would ever manage to go back to work again if I had to.  If I finally got the knee replacement surgery which I needed like 10 years ago, and fixed whatever could be fixed with my back,
hips, and ankle, then I would just be dealing with the fibromyalgia and Lupus all the time.  Then I figured a way it would probably work in my head, not reality, but my head and meds can come up with some really crazy life strategies sometimes.

So here is the way this would go.  I would be okay with my knees, hips, ankle, and my back. I would be able to walk and, hopefully, ride a horse again.  Then I figured well what the hell was wrong with me when I was able to do these physical things before?  Why did I get depressed and feel sorry for myself at times?  Here is what my rather lucid and medicated mind came up with.

 When I was feeling okay physically before, I was still showing signs of Fibromyalgia and Lupus, actually I had been diagnosed with Lupus, I just ignored it.  No one ever accused me of being the sharpest crayon in the box.  Until Lupus came up with the damn blood clot cocktail (Factor V Leiden), I was able to ignore it all.  I would get tired, really exhausted, working in my yard and working my horse.  Then came the stress from being in realty: school and setting up a new real estate office.  Many miscarriages (8 total), and then the largest piece of this time period: a divorce.  All of the stresses could have been worse, no doubt about it, and I am thankful they were only what they were for me at the time.  I got through all of this, found myself on my own two feet again, and off I went. 

horse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To make the story shorter than possible, I sit here now and wondered how I got through all of the past crap.  I realized all the stress I had from work and relationships has now been replaced by Fibromyalgia and Lupus.  The fibro has been taking the worst toll on me, and I guess from what I have learned, it has been exacerbated by all the stress I was going through by ignoring my Lupus and knee issues.  Go Me! 

Willy Wonka 2

 

Now that I am having numerous nervous breakdowns just in the search for a friggin’ bathing suit, I realize I might need to discuss getting on an anti-depressant.  I don’t feel depressed I have these stupid diseases or physical issues.  What happens is after a time, little things which normally wouldn’t be a big deal, just build up.  You know what I mean.  I was wondering why not finding my bathing suit was such a pain and stress builder, when normally it would just be something I would figure out.  The answer is because my life has gone upside down.  There is no other way to explain it, at least for me.  What should have just been a little inconvenience, especially since I bought two of the same damn suit, ended up bringing the walls down.  Since my health has turned to be the major issue of my life, and my whole damn life is focused on my state of well being at the time, anything else just acts like straw on the camel’s back.  Now that I still haven’t found either of my suits, at least I have diagnosed myself.  I wonder if they will let me just write my own prescription and determine what I need and when.  Maybe I shouldn’t push it. 

thRG6ZZTGS

 

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~ A new addition to my group ~

Chad Kroeger.  Lead singer of the Canadian band, Nickelback; husband to Avril Lavigne.
Chad Kroeger. Lead singer of the Canadian band, Nickelback; husband to Avril Lavigne.

Chad Kroeger 3

 

He finally grew on me.  No!  Not like mold, but like I had to get used to the dark eyebrows and blond hair.  Now I am, and I am sure Avril is too, so we are good.  LOL

~ My Men (or at least those I drool over) ~

David as Paganini1
Violin musician, actor, and just damn good looking guy.  He get's two because he has two personalities here. David Garret as Paganini
He gets two because he is two different personalities here.
The bottom is him as a violinist. Look him up.
Adrian Brody
Scott Stapp lead singer for Creed3
Scott Stapp, lead singer for Creed
He gets two because he looks really different in the photos. Both are from Creed.
He gets two because he has two distinctive looks as the band has matured.  At least I think so.
Scott Stapp again.
He gets two because he has two distinctive looks as the band has matured. At least I think so.
Eric Balfour from Haven TV series
Vin Diesel
Valentine from Mortal Instruments.  Go figure, he is a bad guy here as well.
Jonathan Rhys Meyers.
Valentine from Mortal Instruments. Go figure, he is a bad guy here as well.
He gets two as well, since his last two pieces of work are so different in the way he looks.  Here is Dracula.
Jonathan Rhys Meyers
He gets two as well, since his last two pieces of work are so different in the way he looks. Here is Dracula.
Viggo Mortensen gets two places because he has been so many characters.
Viggo Mortensen gets two places because he has been so many characters.
Viggo as Aargon (LoR), like I needed to tell anyone this!

The Evil AARP~

 

I was cruising yesterday in blogsville, and happened upon a good article re-blogged from a news site.  After reading the article, I noticed off in the corner, a title of an article: “22 Things You Should Not Do If You Are 50 or Over.”  Well, my interest was peaked since I just turned the grand ole half a century, 5 decades, fifty fucking years! 

 

I read it, it was interesting, and then I noticed a side box with a bunch more articles relating to being fifty.  Then I got wise and started looking at where I had been inadvertently redirected to.  OMG!  Yeah I screamed, then laughed, then quietly cried.  The site was AARP!  I have stayed away from all suggested subscriptions, articles, and stuff Mum was pushing on me which might have been, probably was, from this evil group.  To accept anything off AARP means you are accepting old age, and to me, all the things which go along with this wonderful distinction. 

So, after I had my little heart attack, I read the article.  I was cool: there is nothing on that list I would have done at 20, 30, or 40. 

 

A sheet of bingo cards.
A sheet of bingo cards. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

One thing which still has me wondering, and funny pictures are running through my head, is the Xtreme Bingo Cruise.  I seriously don’t think anyone has to worry about me and this one item.  But, really, what is Xtreme Bingo?  I get the picture of a bunch of people older than me (of course!) with like 20 bingo cards in front of them, dabbers of every color around them, all their good luck items (trolls, those little pom pom things with eyes, rabbit’s feet (which is just wrong), etc.) in front of them.  No chairs: they are all standing, walker or not, and flexing their muscles so they don’t pull a muscle while rushing to dab all the numbers.  They all have mini FBI like head phones on so they can hear the calls.  Some shoulder rolling and evil eyes are going on.  Then the game starts. 

 

Numbers are called, tables are rattling with the force of the players slamming their dabbers on their cards.  Suddenly, one of those numbers are called which happen to be on almost every card each one of the players have (you know what I am talking about~don’t give me that look!), there is a flurry of slamming, swearing, yelling, and then CRASH!  Table 17 is down.  Then you hear a woman, ever so calming saying over the PA system: “We have a clean up on table 17.” 

When you look over to that table, seniors are laying on the floor, half on and half off the tables.  They all have all colors of spots on their faces, arms, and clothes.  Candy and other treats are in their hair.  All the good luck charms are scattered to the edges of the room. 

 

Yeah, this is way too extreme for me.  I can’t handle just the laughing at the pictures in my head.  This ranks right up there with jumping off a high ledge with a rubber band tied to my leg.  Not happening. 

 

I then clicked on the article about what not to wear at 50+. 

Doing okay there as well. 

Done with the AARP. 

NO! I didn’t bookmark the page. 

Ok, now back to Cartoon Network. 

Thank you for reading.